To Become Whole
by AngelofPrey
Summary: "Jyn Erso was better off on her own. At least, that's what she kept telling herself. But when the darkness and the cold of the universe closes in around her, she cannot help but wish for someone to be there to comfort her. The universe gave her five." A study of Jyn's relationships with the other members of Rogue One. (a.k.a. The One Where Jyn Discovers That She Has Friends)


A/N: So really this was just an excuse for me to write out how much I love the entire Rogue One team, but also because I love Jyn's relationship with everybody and I wanted to explore that.

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To Become Whole

Jyn Erso was better off on her own. At least, that's what she kept telling herself. No one could disappoint you or betray you if there was no one around to do the disappointing or the betraying. But when the darkness and the cold of the universe closes in around her, be it in a literal or metaphoric sense, she cannot help but wish for someone to be there to comfort her.

Jyn does not realize until much later that the universe gave her five.

Chirrut was the first one that Jyn recognizes feeling any real connection to. There's just something about him, the not-Jedi, and his funny way of seeing into the heart of things that intimidates others, but makes Jyn feel at ease.

Chirrut can ferret out her darkest thoughts and most hidden secrets and lay them bare. By all rights, this should terrify Jyn; a woman who has spent most of her life concealing her identity, her emotions, her thoughts, and secret hopes. But Chirrut is selective in his observations and never cruel. He may not allow her to hide behind her typical defensive patterns and churlishness, but neither does he leave her to her pain without at least a hand to hold.

Even after everything, Chirrut is always the first to squeeze her hand when she is sad, or offer wise words of comfort when she starts to lose faith.

Chirrut's faith is also something that Jyn finds comforting. Jyn has never been particularly religious, but her mother was, and Chirrut's quite assuredness in the will of the Force has been something that Jyn didn't know she could take solace in. As such, they often sit together in quiet contemplation when the reality of their situation became too much for her to bear. Chirrut's steady, calming presence lulling her anxiety back to manageable levels and keeping her from running.

He was an easy man to come to need; a natural guardian, and for some reason he had chosen all of them as the ones he would guard after the destruction of his temple.

Jyn does not understand it, but she will never question it, or take it for granted.

Bodhi was next. They bonded early on over his tales of Galen Erso and their mutual grief over his death. She finds that it is _good_ to have someone with whom she can share her grief. In some ways, being able to sit and talk with someone else who misses her father makes it easier to bear when she can go and reminisce with him.

Jyn can't get enough of these stories, and Bodhi doesn't mind sharing them. Until one day their conversation strays onto other topics, and they find that they have similar taste in music, and similar opinions about certain foods and planets. That they're both still looked upon with suspicion from other members of the Rebellion outside of the Rogue One team. And suddenly Bodhi is more than just a window into the last fifteen years of her father's life. He's become someone with whom she can share jokes, and significant looks across the cockpit of the ship. Someone she might even call a friend if Jyn Erso were the type to have friends. A companion.

He's good company. His sometimes anxious, stuttering way of expressing himself eases once danger has passed and reveals a sharp intellect and cutting wit. Bodhi has Jyn hiding her laughter from the Senators and Generals in more than one War Room meeting. They also share a mischievous streak and will sometimes collaborate to pull pranks on the others, or simply on each other.

Bodhi quickly becomes the person she turns to whenever she feels lonely or bored, or the person that she sits next to in meetings, or requests to be the pilot for all of her missions. As such, Jyn becomes fiercely protective of Bodhi and the next time someone tells him to "go back to the Empire" Jyn walks away with a black eye, but they never disrespect Bodhi again. After that incident Bodhi tells her that she didn't need to stand up for him, but he still gazes at her with something akin to awe.

Jyn's not sure she's ever really had a friend before, but she knows that in Bodhi she definitely does.

Baze was the hardest of them all to warm up to. Jyn had thought he did not like her at all until the moment he stepped up to her before they disembarked on Scarif and called her "little sister."

In the days since then, he has made those words undeniably true. In the same way that he is never far from Chirrut's side, Jyn suddenly finds that she has a second shadow. Except this one stands at least a head taller than her, and carries a modified repeater cannon.

His place in her life is similar to that of his partner; someone she goes to in times of need. Whereas she goes to Chirrut for advice and a hand to hold, she finds herself going to Baze when she feels small and vulnerable and wants to feel protected. Without a single question asked, Baze will step away from whatever he might be doing to sling an arm around her shoulders or make her a cup of caf and offer to beat up whatever person or existential concept has her down.

There are times when both Bodhi and Cassian are out on a mission and Jyn will sleep curled up in a small nest of pilfered blankets and pillows in the corner of Baze and Chirrut's bunk. Where Baze will watch over her without rest, quietly performing maintenance on his cannon or cleaning his armor as she sleeps. He keeps her safe until Jyn feels like she can stand on her own again.

Baze tells her one night in the cantina after too many rounds of Corellian whisky that he once had a biological little sister. Long before he joined the Guardians, his sister died in an accident. Baze missed her terribly, but could see her spirit reborn in Jyn. Jyn isn't sure what to say to that, so she simply smiles and squeezes his hand.

Jyn never knew that family could be found.

Cassian… What she has with Cassian is different from what she has with anyone else.

He was the first one to stick with her, the first one to choose her, the first one to see her as having any value independent of her status as the daughter of a high-ranking Imperial engineer. Jyn will never forget that.

After Scarif it does not take long for their relationship to turn romantic. There had always been an attraction between them, even at the first. And life in the Rebellion is one of high emotions and danger, the perfect recipe for nights of poor decisions. Except… it doesn't end up being a poor decision. They fit into each other's lives like the pieces of the puzzle games that her father had bought her when she was young. They _understand_ each other at a fundamental level, even if they don't _know_ each other all that well yet. But this doesn't bother them, they can learn those things. It's much harder to find someone who can be understanding when any mission they're given might be their last, but it's a mission they have to complete. It would be so much harder to find another who could hold them when they return and a little bit more of the light has faded from their eyes because of all that they've seen and done.

Cassian provides a level of comfort and emotional connection that the others cannot. And while Jyn loves each of her friends dearly and they each occupy a pivotal role in her life, what she has with Cassian feels different, but no less pivotal. There's just something about having the knowledge that there is someone in this universe who sees all of her faults, all of her worst moments and accepts them – accepts _her_. That there is someone in the universe who will actively choose her every time fate lays something in their path. And it fills Jyn with a giddy warmth whenever she thinks about him.

Jyn always thought that romantic love was not for her, but Cassian had proved her a liar.

Jyn is convinced that she and K-2 will never really be friends. Even after he is rebooted and briefed upon the mission at Scarif including her role in it, he seems deeply suspicious of her loyalties, and even a bit jealous of her sudden (at least to his circuits) intimacy with Cassian. He reminds her on a daily basis that serious relationships in times of war have a lower-than-average long-term success rate, and that the average is already slightly below half. And expresses his wonder to Cassian that he would choose such a loose cannon, and a liability, for a mate. Though Jyn feels sure in her place in Cassian's life, it doesn't make K-2's meddling any less annoying.

It isn't until her life is in danger, and K-2 is the one that saves her, that Jyn finds out just how wrong she was. She asks him, when they make it back to the ship and they have a moment alone in the cockpit, why he saved her life when he didn't even like her, and Jyn is surprised by his answer. She expects him to say something along the lines of "because Cassian told me to." But instead he says "I do like you… you make the Captain happy."

Suddenly Jyn understands that his warnings were not out of dislike for her, but out of concern for Cassian. And from that day forward she knows that she has, maybe not a friend, but certainly an ally in K-2SO. They will never have a close relationship, but Jyn no longer cringes when she has to spend time with the droid, and she starts to see his directness for its humour and sassiness. She will never forget the look on Cassian's face the day they both team up to tease him.

But mostly K-2 is the one who looks after the team when she cannot. He gives her peace of mind, when the potential danger of a mission should be driving her up a wall. Jyn knows that as long as K-2 is present, her family will make it out alive.

Jyn learns that with K-2, unless you were Cassian Andor, 'ally' was the best you could hope for.

Jyn Erso was better off when she was with her friends. This was a reality that the Rebellion had to learn the hard way. She was happier, less prone to making rash decisions and disobeying orders when her friends were near. And besides, any attempts to separate them, deliberate or not, always ended with Jyn either bringing them back or tagging along.

It had been a long time since Jyn had felt like a complete person, but she had found that amongst her friends, her team, her family. They each contributed something essential to her being, and Jyn could only hope that she gave them something back in return. It might not have been the same as the family that Jyn had lost, but being a part of this new family helped her to become whole all the same.

Jyn knew that for as long as they lived, she would never feel alone again.

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A/N: Let me know what you thought!


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